Interview "Nobody Can Breathe For You"

Interviewer: Believing in the method at first is difficult. It’s easier to try it in practice to understand and start using it. But how to ask yourself the right questions, how many times to repeat them so that they work and give the brain certain settings — this unique experience is shared by psychologist Natalya Soboleva, who lives in France and consults worldwide in two languages — Russian and French. Interviewer: Natalya, let’s start from the very beginning. How did you come to this topic? What was the impulse that led you to study such an unusual field? Natalya Soboleva: It all happened very naturally — it turned out psychology was my calling. Although I graduated with honors from the law faculty at the Academy of Entrepreneurship under the Moscow Government. But I didn’t plan to stay in Russia and moved to the south of France, so I didn’t get a chance to work as a lawyer. In Nice, where we moved with my family and two small children, I chose distance learning and requalified in “Psychological Counseling” and “Family Counseling.” Psychology always interested me, especially psychosomatics — how our worldview, thoughts, attitude toward ourselves and life affect our health. After earning my diploma, I registered on a popular site called b17 and posted about offering online consultations. Unexpectedly, I was invited to open an office at the Moscow School of Hypnosis. That’s how I met Gennady Goncharov, a famous hypnologist and very bright personality. I thought I’d get some practical experience. Also, my page was published alongside other psychologists’ pages, which was encouraging. Interviewer: What literature have you read? What would you recommend others to explore? Natalya Soboleva: I came across a book about “Afformations” by Noah St. John. After reading it, I made small adjustments to the technique and simplified it, then tested it on the aforementioned site where I could get constructive feedback from psychology experts. If I could withstand their critique, it was worth pursuing this path. Another impactful book was Andrey Yermoshin’s “Things in the Body” — a psychotherapeutic method working with bodily sensations. It presents a fundamentally new approach to solving problems related to emotional experiences through self-regulation by focusing on body sensations. I also successfully applied NLP techniques. That’s how I started working and opened a discussion topic on the site: “Positive Thinking.” Interviewer: What were the results? Natalya Soboleva: I waited a few days until a storm of emotions and doubts erupted in the public chat, like: “Where are you going with your positive psychology?” When things calmed down a bit, I joined the discussion. I was interested in statistics and professionals with many years of consulting experience. The site also allows clients ready to work with specialists online to participate. I invited volunteers to do a small task for several days and share their results. At first, there was a lot of humor and jokes at my expense; few believed in the method’s effectiveness. But as results came in, participants, including psychologists, shared inspiring facts — the method works, helps calm down, and improves mood. It was amazing! I was thrilled! Hooray, it works! So, we continue. Interviewer: Could you explain the method’s essence? How does it work? Natalya Soboleva: Sure. We always ask ourselves questions but rarely pay attention to their structure... and our brain is very skillful in using that. It’s like Google search: the question determines the answer... and this strongly affects the outcome. Like any psychological technique or tool, it works to help resolve situations, but you need to know how... For example, now write five questions that worry you most. Take a sheet of paper, divide it into two parts: on the left write current questions starting with “Why...” — usually, they carry negation or destructive messages, like “Why can’t I succeed?”, “Why don’t my children listen to me?”, “Why can’t I find profitable orders?”, “Why am I surrounded by complainers and losers?”, etc. Recall your frequent complaints to yourself and life. On the right, write the same questions but rephrased positively. For example: “Why do I succeed?”, “Why do my children listen to me?”, “Why do I always find profitable orders?”, “Why am I surrounded by successful and energetic people?” Now the most important part: read the left column and feel the sensation in your body... You can close your eyes... Then the right column and feel again... Notice the difference? You choose how to respond. Feel it? What exactly? Describe the first and second options. Where in your body do you feel it? Right. Lightness or heaviness... fatigue or inspiration... warmth or cold... Everyone has their own. Check it. Now you see how you create your state. And if you do this for a long time, it becomes clear how you will feel. It’s like squeezing a water hose and then wondering why things don’t work right. Also, treat this as a game, without too much seriousness — just a mechanical way, without expectations or correctness. This simplifies and speeds up the process of change for the better. In the morning over breakfast, on a napkin... etc. Interviewer: Can you give some examples? Natalya Soboleva: Here are some comments from my experiment participants describing their sensations and conclusions: “The psycho-technique ‘switches,’ then the world (life) and people respond, start going towards you, pleasing. If there’s resistance, it sharpens and clarifies it. It induces a light trance. Gives permission to receive what you want but was previously forbidden. Completely removes excess potential. Checks ‘do I really need this?’ Changes perspective, breaks stuck states, turning them into processes and movement, then active work on creating what you want.” A nice result for a “toy” technique. My real practice begins here. Afformations are good; they help remove importance, tension, shift focus, take responsibility, and leave victimhood behind, but there are more interesting ways to work with yourself and your subconscious. Some concrete examples from practice: By nature, I have strong intuition and empathy, feeling others’ states strongly. It used to disturb my life — I couldn’t separate my feelings from others’. For me, it was one. For example, meeting a mere acquaintance, and suddenly I get a headache or stomach pain — unusual for me. When the topic comes up, it turns out it’s exactly what bothers that person. It’s uncomfortable to feel others’ pain as your own. So I studied psychology for myself to learn how to live with it. If you have the ability, you should learn to use it for good — for yourself and others if necessary. One phone conversation with an old friend — she was in tears: her child was hospitalized with suspected asthma, treated and under doctors’ care for a week. “Natasha, you do this well, let’s try, maybe it will help her...” How can I help remotely? We worked during the session and found out the cause — a frequently repeated phrase in the family, surprisingly the phrase of a young woman’s uncle popped up in consciousness, which always startled her. The next morning, a call — the asthma attack did not repeat, doctors baffled, two days later the girl was home. Maybe coincidence, but the main thing is all is well. Another case: a friend’s little son had bowel movement only once a week despite meds and doctors. This time the mother tried to tell all observations and speculations. We worked with the child — no result. I asked for doctor’s conclusion and documents, which differed from what I had heard. Using correct terms from the doctor, we did a session with the boy. Call from kindergarten: the boy had soft stools, not sure what to do. I asked if the meds prescribed by the doctor were continued, possibly causing the surprise. The child’s digestion normalized, much to mother’s and my joy. A subtle nuance, but a great result. We remove bricks from the wall, not demolish the building. Interviewer: What is the most important thing in this technique? What should be the first task for someone starting it? Natalya Soboleva: I like psycho-techniques because they relieve tension — which I consider the most important. When you’re tense and focused on a problem, energy doesn’t flow... Let go! If standard treatment didn’t work before, after working with the subconscious everything changes: the right doctor appears, the right article or book comes into view at the right time and place. Everything that happens to us has positive intent and hidden benefit, though we realize it later. They say good comes through bad. But you can remove bricks carefully rather than demolishing your foundation, understanding what is necessary. Just be attentive to yourself and what your body says. You can learn a lot from facial expressions and gestures — no special gift needed. And this can be endlessly continued. Every person is unique, as is every case. Once I had a very difficult case I wasn’t ready for. I worked with my friend’s son; pleased with the result, she told others, and then a call came: “Your number was given to me. My mother has inoperable cancer and was sent home from hospital. Help!” I couldn’t take that responsibility — I’m not a doctor, only know several psycho-techniques. Sorry. But the woman insisted. The mother did nothing but lie and wait... painkillers didn’t help. Her daughter promised to do everything I said, to work with her mother, crying on the phone. For two hours, she recorded everything that came through me. I was almost in trance, barely remembering, but kept talking... I had no exact instructions. Every person and case is unique. I based my approach on “Reprogramming Technique” by V. Sinelnikov (his book “Love Your Disease”), and Louise Hay’s psychosomatics table. My approach isn’t classical. We can discuss pros and cons, but I avoid “reprogramming” now, just like I don’t like hypnosis. It’s a “harsh” tool, though it helped me quickly understand causes. Now it’s unnecessary. Time passes, we change. No point working on the past — the present has everything needed. For me it’s more diagnosis — which way to look. Maybe I don’t understand long psychoanalysis, but some specialists have great results with it. I can only speak for myself — my approach isn’t classical. I work a lot with body sensations. Back to the story: Weeks later, a call — the mother was taken for surgery. I was terrified I’d done something wrong... couldn’t check, had to wait for news. Another call — surgery went well, mother is recovering. What happened? I dared to ask. We actively worked; I read all those books, did everything step by step. The mother resisted but then accepted and diligently followed. On control, tumor shrank by 2 cm; surgery was planned. Doctors baff